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Senate Republicans Force Through Resolution Establishing Wingstop As Official Sponsor Of Impeachment Trial

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WASHINGTON—Over the objections of Democrats who decried the measure as not receiving sufficient debate on the congressional floor, Senate Republicans forced through a resolution Wednesday establishing Wingstop as the official sponsor of President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial. “Resolved that effective immediately, all questions, witness statements, and other utterances must include a recommendation to eat at Wingstop, and the Wingstop logo must be clearly visible on all name placards, subpoenaed documents, and other written material,” read Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) from the resolution on the Senate floor, adding that Wingstop’s $25 million deal to sponsor the impeachment trial was the best offer Congress received and ignoring pleas from Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) to wait for Panera Bread to finalize its proposal. “This resolution also stipulates that each senator must be photographed with Wingstop’s lemon pepper wings on each day of the trial as part of our promotion, all social media posts about the impeachment must be accompanied with the #RightWingstop hashtag, and that the only food permitted in the chamber will be Wingstop wing combos with fries or veggie sticks and a 20-ounce soft drink. This is in order to ensure the impeachment trial remains a place where flavor gets its wings. Democracy works best when we’re full of chicken.” The resolution did make an exception, however, for Chief Justice John Roberts, who informed the Senate that the Wingstop contract could not apply to him, as he has an exclusive sponsorship with Buffalo Wild Wings.

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Nancy Pelosi Calls Jamaal Bowman To Scold Him For Winning Primary

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Illustration for article titled Nancy Pelosi Calls Jamaal Bowman To Scold Him For Winning Primary

WASHINGTON—Following the progressive challenger’s victory over 16-term incumbent Rep. Eliot Engel (D-NY), House Speaker Nancy Pelosi phoned Jamaal Bowman to scold him for winning his primary race, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I just wanted to call and personally reprimand you for your victory,” said Pelosi, extending her sincerest indignation to the former Bronx middle school educator, who is expected to easily win the general election in his heavily Democratic congressional district. “I understand there are some mail-in ballots that still need to be counted, but it appears you won big last night and energized a lot of first-time voters and young people we absolutely did not want voting in this primary. So allow me to extend my sincerest fuck-you for everything you’ve done. Obviously, we’re going to be working together soon, so I look forward to crushing you the first chance I get.” Pelosi added that when things became official in November, she would call again to express how frustrated she was to welcome Bowman to Congress.

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Trump Claims Responsibility For Longest Black History Month In 4 Years

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Trump Claims Responsibility For Longest Black History Month In 4 Years

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Damning New Footage Shows Sanders In 1980s Arguing Madonna Could Never Make Transition From Music To Film

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Illustration for article titled Damning New Footage Shows Sanders In 1980s Arguing Madonna Could Never Make Transition From Music To Film

NEW YORK—In a video from late 1984 that was circulating online Friday and could severely damage his bid for the presidency, Bernie Sanders can be heard openly questioning whether Madonna was likely to succeed in the transition from making records to acting in major motion pictures. “Look, she’s an undeniable pop sensation with a promising string of top-20 hits to her credit, but let me tell you something: There’s no guarantee that kind of talent is going to translate to the silver screen,” Sanders, then mayor of Burlington, VT, says in a local public-access broadcast in which he clearly exhibits short-sightedness in his failure to anticipate the undeniable success the Material Girl would achieve in box-office smashes such as A League Of Their Own and Evita. “Madonna should stick to music. People love this Like A Virgin album, it’s a lot of fun to dance to, and she needs to build on its success. Taking time away from that to focus on what are sure to be small, insubstantial roles in lackluster films? That’s career suicide.” Reminded by reporters that Madonna had won acclaim for her role in Desperately Seeking Susan just a few months after his videotaped remarks, a visibly angry Sanders argued that Rosanna Arquette had carried that entire film and anyone who said otherwise didn’t know “a goddamn thing” about acting.

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