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Kanye’s Running for President and His Platform Is What You’d Expect

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  • Kanye announced his bid for the presidency on the Fourth of July via Twitter.
  • Elon Musk and Kim Kardashian-West tweeted out their support soon after.

On July 4th, Kanye tweeted, “We must now realize the promise of America by trusting God, unifying our vision and building our future. I am running for president of the United States!” garnering 1.2 million likes. At this point in 2020, why not? Elon Musk and Kim Kardashian-West tweeted out their support. But the general response from political pundits and others was one of skepticism and indifference. 

Photo by Morning Brew on Unsplash

At most, those following the 2020 campaigns seem to feel, he’ll split the vote and give the Trump campaign a boost in its re-election bid. But in this bizarro-world we’re inhabiting with a worldwide pandemic, protests, and rampant natural disasters, doesn’t it seem like Kanye could win? 

 

At least, he stands as much of a chance as the last person to run without political experience. He’s also pretty open about his shortcoming as a political candidate, as revealed during a four-hour interview with Forbes. The entire thing is worth a read, but let’s go over a few of the highlights. 

The Kanye Campaign, in Brief

Photo by Srikanta H. U on Unsplash

“I haven’t done enough research on that,” he said about taxes. I mean, none of us have, otherwise why would filing your taxes every year induce a flop-sweat panic. It’s complicated, and you have to believe that Kanye isn’t a fan of the tax-the-rich model. He’s open to the advice of “the strongest experts that serve God.”

 

“I’m gonna use the framework of Wakanda right now,” to manage the White House, which sure, why not? Worked well in Black Panther. He goes on, “we’re going to work, innovate, together.” 

 

“I don’t know if I’d use the word policy for the way I would approach things,” he replied when asked about his platform regarding foreign policy. He made some comparisons to designing with Nike and Louis Vuitton. But maybe that’s just a semantic difference? Design foreign strategies? Sure. 

 

“They want to put chips inside of us, they want to do all kinds of things, to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven,” sums up Kanye’s feelings on vaccines, right after he called them the “mark of the beast.” Which isn’t exactly the attitude you want from your president during a pandemic desperate for a vaccine so we can all go to Buffalo Wild Wings or wherever. 

 

The interview also revealed that Kanye had COVID-19 back in February. His campaign slogan is “YES,” but he’s missed the deadlines in several states to get on the ballot for the fall, and his window of opportunity in the rest of the country is closing, so maybe no? He’s not worried, “God just gave me the clarity and said it’s time… I’m not crazy.”

 

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Men Create Literal Man Cave Under Grand Central

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  • An electrician, carpenter, and wireman filled a secret storeroom with a futon couch, flatscreen tv, fridge, and microwave.

I’ve worked some unpleasant jobs before. Boring, endless jobs where I’d think, I’d give anything to get out of here. Even for a few hours to escape the interminable boredom of hourly employment. Three MTA workers actually did something with those feelings, converting a storeroom beneath Grand Central Station into a “man-cave.” The room, which looks pretty nice in the Associated Press story, has a flat-screen tv, refrigerator, microwave, and futon couch. 

Photo by Alec Favale on Unsplash

Literally a Man-Cave

Allegedly, a carpenter, an electrician (both foremen), and a wireman would hang out in the room, drinking, eating snacks, and partying. The Inspector General for the MTA, Carolyn Pokorny, got a tip about the room’s existence, leading to an investigation. If they ruined what they had because they couldn’t keep it off Instagram, I’m going to be so disappointed. 

Photo by Patrick Robert Doyle on Unsplash

Without the tip, it seems like the MTA would have never discovered them. The room was through a locked door for the exclusive use of the MTA Locksmiths. Then, they put a sign on the interior door saying “Foreman’s Office” (clever). It seems only the three men had keys for the man cave. 

 

The MTA suspended all three men without pay pending the investigation. These aren’t master criminals–they left receipts for things they ordered for the room with their names on it just lying around, including a pull-up bar and cot. According to a Gothamist post, the TV linked to the electrician’s phone. 

They Almost Got Away With It

Photo by S. on Unsplash

The carpenter and electrician closed ranks fast, claiming someone stole their devices. The wireman admitted the guilt of all three. Thanks to the carpenter (I assume), there were wooden cabinets in the room, hiding most contraband. It sounds like the MTA at least has a sense of humor about the discovery. 

 

 “Many a New Yorker has fantasized about kicking back with a cold beer in a prime piece of Manhattan Real Estate–especially one this close to public transportation,” the IG said in a statement, “But few would have the chutzpah to commandeer a secret room beneath Grand Central Terminal and make it their very own man-cave.”

 

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Australian Lingerie Ad Sparks Satanic Panic 2.0

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  • Hell must be running on a deficit if a two-bit skeleton onesie is the best they can afford.

Remember the 80s? What a great decade, with neon windbreakers, New Wave music, yuppies, late-stage Cold War… What a time to be alive.

And then there was also the Satanic Panic. You know, the mass hysteria about how supposedly everything from roleplaying games to heavy metal music and actual real-world social issues was some kind of a global conspiracy to turn the entire world to worshipping the Lord of the Pit?

Haha, what a silly thing to think! The people in the 80s sure had some wild imaginations. I sure am glad all that’s over.

Okay, fine. You know how these kinds of intros work. It’s not over at all.

This time it seems Old Nick is trying to get his sulfur-reeking claws on our souls through lingerie advertisements. At least that’s what people seem to think on social media, and when have they ever been wrong?

The vessel for Satan’s devilish plot is a new ad published by Australian lingerie firm Honey Birdette. But the arm of the Devil is long, and the company also operates some stores in California.

An underwear company seems like a fitting conduit for temptation. Why else would Honey Birdette produce such sinful attire if not to lead good people down the path into sins of the flesh?

In theory, Satan seems to be on the right track. But can the final product pull through?

A Sight for Sinful Eyes

The advertisement that’s set righteous souls aflame with divine fury is a video promoting Honey Birdette’s new bondage-inspired collection – aptly titled The 666 Club.

The firm uploaded the video on their Instagram page. Just so you know, it’s fairly saucy for an ad, as are the other related pictures. You might want to grab the Bible or some holy water or something to safeguard your eternal soul.

The red-tinted video opens up with an ominous line: “Don’t forgive them, Father, for they do know what they do.” Alright, that’s pretty clever.

Next, a pretty model starts wandering through a night club, which we can probably assume to be the titular 666 Club. She is clad in an ever-changing variety of undergarments from the company’s new line.

Apparently abyssal magic allows you to change clothes in the blink of an eye.

Underlining the tempting power of these bras and panties, the club is filled with writhing, smooching couples of all orientations. But they’re clearly in awe of the Satanic might of the main model, since none of them dares lay a hand on her.

And so she continues her journey through the club untouched until the Prince of Darkness himself appears to feel her up! No, it’s not Ozzy, just some dude painted red with a corny villain ‘stache and goatee.

The cartoon devil is quickly replaced by a bunch of people in equally cheap skeleton onesies. I think I’ve seen these things for sale at the Dollar Store for $1.99 around Halloween.

And then the ad’s over. Can you feel the forces of Hell grabbing hold of you already?

Me neither.

Empowering Satan

But some people sure did, since the video’s comment section is riddled with crusaders denouncing this blatantly Devil-worshipping sin fest.

“Thought it was just me. But all these Satan comments make me realize I’m not crazy for feeling a little [meh emoji] about this,” wrote username jsattt.

Yeah, we wouldn’t be so sure about that.

D_amatus007 saw the video as nothing more than yet another sign of our world slowly slipping down into the depths of Hell. “Not surprised everything you see in the video is satanic. It’s the new way and what many seek and are fighting for as we sit here,” they commented.

Others who have shopped with Honey Birdette before have been put off by the ad. Lingerie that covers barely anything is fine, but a devilish figure that looks like he could be an elementary school student’s home-made Halloween decoration?

How dare they!

“You guys just lost a very loyal customer you Satan worshippers! Disgraceful!” wrote username ezcali.

“WTF anti-Christian much? Unfollow. Not buying your brand now!!!” yelled mstessascott.

Still some thought the video was directly channeling power to the Devil. Or something like that.

“Little bit s**tty empowering Satan like that,” thought loius_meyer.

But, in the name of fairness, others had more reasonable criticisms for the ad. Sprinkled in the comments are people who are just straight-up not that excited about what they’re seeing.

“I’m gud luv, enjoy. So disappointed in the plain designs,” said username natvanel.

Poor Effort, Devil

Now, we here at Oddee don’t claim to be experts on all things Satanic or anything like that. And by no means do we want to disrespect anyone’s deeply held beliefs when it comes to what’s good for your soul.

But really, a guy in red bodypaint and a cartoon goatee? Some dudes in cheap skeleton bodysuits? At the end of October there’ll be a Halloween party on every block that will get more sacrilegious than this.

You’d imagine an organized group of Satan worshipping masterminds would be a bit more sinister. If this is the best Hell’s demonic legions can cook up, they’d better step up their game. The most sinful thing about this video is the costume department’s budget.

Is this really what’s supposed to tempt us into damnation? Not today, Satan.

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Dogs Sniff Out Corona Infections at Finnish Airport

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  • If there’s a prize for the most adorable public health program, these pooches need to win it.

“They’re all good dogs, Brent,” an online personality once said. While that is true, some dogs might be a bit better than others. Or at least some of them can hold down a job.

The K-9 unit is old news to anyone who knows anything about the police force. Dogs also serve in the army, the fire department, and they help the visually impaired get around more easily.

Some dogs are even trying to become dog-tors. A 2019 study found that pooches can be trained to accurately sniff out the presence of cancer cells in blood.

In a similar vein, some medical mutts are now tackling the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. In Finland, sharp-nosed dogs have been brought in to sniff out potential coronavirus infections at the country’s largest airport.

The COVID-sniffing dogs have good timing, too. After the first wave of the ‘Rona abated, countries around the world started loosening movement restrictions. Some even allowed travel again.

Turns out, that may have been a mistake. According to the World Health Organization’s regional director for Europe Hans Kluge, the continent could be facing another, potentially even more serious corona wave, reported the BBC.

New cases in Europe have doubled over the past couple of weeks, with 300,000 new infections discovered just within one week.

“Although these numbers reflect more comprehensive testing, it also shows alarming rates of transmission across the region,” Kluge said.

“Good Lord, she reeks of the ‘Rona! Get her off me!”

Canine Pioneers

To try and cope with the surging infection rate, Finavia – the company responsible for maintaining Finland’s airport network – turned to dogs for help.

Since yesterday, the COVID canines have been patrolling the Helsinki Airport in the city of Vantaa.

“We are among the pioneers. As far as we know, no other airport has attempted to use canine scent detection on such a large scale against COVID-19,” says Helsinki Airport Director Ulla Lettijeff.

Finavia is training a total of 10 dogs for tracking potential corona infections at the airport. They will work in shifts, with four dogs active at one time.

According to Susanna Paavilainen, CEO of WiseNose Ry, University of Helsinki’s DogRisk research group, the length of the work shift will depend on the dogs.

“Dogs need to rest from time to time. While two dogs are working, the other two are on a break,” Paavilainen says.

The dogs will mainly be sniffing travelers arriving to Finland from outside the country. If you’re scared of dogs, though, there’s no need to delay your trip to Finland. At least not because of the dogs.

The smell experts will perform their duties from a separate booth without coming into direct contact with travelers. People taking the test will swipe their skin with a test wipe and drop it into a cup.

The cup is then given to the COVID dogs for analysis. If they smell something sick, the traveler will be directed to a health information desk operated by the city of Vantaa.

“We are pleased with the city of Vantaa’s initiative. This might be an additional step forward on the way to beating COVID-19,” Lettijeff says.

Flesh Beats Metals

If a dog sniffing out a COVID infection sounds like an arbitrary detection method to you, think again. Research carried out before the start of Finavia’s project showed that the dogs are more efficient than expensive machinery.

The preliminary tests – carried out at the Veterinary Faculty of the University of Helsinki – found that dogs can sniff out COVID-19 with pretty much 100% accuracy. They can even smell the presence of the virus days before the test subject shows the first symptoms.

It turns out that a dog’s nose is much more sensitive to the coronavirus than the polymerase chain reaction (PCR) tests doctors usually use. A PCR test requires 18 million molecules to be present in a sample before it notices the virus.

A dog only needs 100, or even as little as 10 molecules. So which one would you rather trust?

The Next Generation

In the future, dogs from the Finnish Customs might take over the duties of the current dogs.

“We are working with Finnish Customs to prepare for a potential scenario where it takes charge of the operation,” says Paavilainen.

However, for the time being, the WiseNose dogs will continue their task. For the customs to take over, the Finnish government will need to pass a corresponding legislative amendment.

It will also take some time to train the customs dogs to recognize the COVID-19 virus. According to Paavilainen, almost all of the current dogs have previously performed scent detection duties.

The time it takes to train a dog can also vary, as it’s completely dependent on the dog in question. The star of the current program is Kössi, an 8-year-old greyhound mix.

He learned to pick up the scent of the coronavirus in a mere seven minutes. Talk about a fast learner.

“Not all dogs can do it as they operate in different ways. Kössi has a lot of experience from identifying biological samples,” Paavilainen says.

Such a good boy.

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